when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
