Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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