Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
