do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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