I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
