Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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