If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize