3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
