She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
