Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
