I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't deserve a penis
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
