I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
love makes seman taste better
Four minutes until I can fart!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
