the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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