he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
