So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
