dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
