You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
