Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
