Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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