If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
