I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
