she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
