I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
