so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
