There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
