so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
