you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
