i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
