In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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