Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
