i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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