Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
