i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
