Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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