am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
