somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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