Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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