Just cropdusted the office
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
