mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
