It's like God shit irony all over that family
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
