Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
