I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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