he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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