"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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