he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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