one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
