I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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