I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize
