i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
