Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
