ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
