she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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