you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
