garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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