I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
