Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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