So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
