Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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