All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
