She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
