Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
