if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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