she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
