I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
