Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
