3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
