we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
